Cemetery Streaming

Jerry's casket

My father and mother-in-law purchased a family plot at St. Andrew's Cemetery in Fairfax, Minnesota decades ago. Many of their relatives are buried there as well. It was their wish to have a funeral in Charles City, Iowa and the burial four hours away in Fairfax. We always joked with them that they better not die in the winter as no one would be able to make that drive.

As it turns out, even though dad died during beautiful weather, we couldn't make the drive anyway. With COVID-19 keeping the country on lockdown, we decided to have a virtual graveside service. On Thursday a cousin who was able to attend because she lives in the area used her phone as the conduit for the rest of us to virtually attend through the internet program Zoom. Those of us who were remote were able to see the handful of relatives who were there in person, and listen to the funeral director say a prayer and sing a couple hymns.

I read a phrase recently that referred to the American way of death. All our past experiences included traditions that were followed. Planning the funeral, picking out clothes for the deceased, setting up the viewing, funeral and burial, and preparing for the post-funeral gathering. There was the viewing, then the funeral, a trip to the grave site and then a luncheon of some sort. The pandemic has disrupted all of that, and really robbed us of the opportunity to truly grieve and mourn the loss of an extremely important person in our lives.

But our virtual service brought us some relief. I suppose things finally seemed real. The best part was that those of us who were online together stayed on after the graveside service concluded. People were able to express their sympathy to my mother-in-law, and she in turn was able to interact with family that she hadn't seen for quite awhile. There were tears and reminiscing, laughter at old stories and jokes, and a sharing of the mutual love we all had for Jerry. It was the closure that we all needed. It might not have been the funeral that was well-planned by mom and dad, but we sure made use of the technology available to spread hugs, love and goodbyes. Even if it was all done virtually. RIP, beloved father.

family flowers

The Virtual Viewing

65th wedding anniversary

Yesterday my father-in-law was laid out out the funeral home. Current mandates during the COVID-19 pandemic allow only 10 people to be gathered in one place at a time. This number includes the funeral home staff and any clergy that might be there. Jim's older sister, who lives in the same town of my in-laws, was able to be there along with some of her close family members. They represented those of us who are having to stay in our own homes.

Through Messenger I was able to set it up that Jim's younger sister and her husband, our son and his wife, our daughter, and Jim and me were able to virtually attend the viewing. I thought I also had my mother-in-law in the group chat with the help of her hospice nurse, but we had a technology fail so they were not online. The funeral director sang "Be Not Afraid", and Sister Diana from their church read some scriptures and talked about her own personal experiences in knowing Jerry as long as she did. I was doing my best to text what was said to the hospice nurse to relay to mom.

It was a short service but very poignant and personalized. Then the hospice nurse sent me something mom had prepared and asked me to read it to everyone since she wasn't online with us. It was beautifully written and made me cry. I could barely get through it. To witness the love of this 68 year partnership is truly something.

Today is the virtual graveside ceremony in Minnesota. Our family will be well-represented by cousins and nephews and nieces, to the limit of the 10 gathering in one space. We are so grateful to each and every one of them for being there when we can not. Zoom is set up and a young woman will be providing the eyes and ears for us. If the technology gods are willing, mom will be joining us from her room in the nursing home. Worst case scenario, it will be recorded for future playback.

All of this is not what we planned or desired, but it is the hand we have been dealt. We are doing the best we can under extremely difficult and trying circumstance, and are grateful that technology is enabling us to have a least a little bit of closure.

Saying Goodbye to Dad

Gerald Wolterman

My father-in-law Jerry died April 22 at 10:53 in the evening. While no family member was allowed in the room with him, other than my mother-in-law, we were extremely grateful to learn that he passed while two nurses were there taking care of him. Hopefully with everyone wearing masks, he thought it was one of us.

I cannot find a word to exactly describe what it feels like to lose someone you love during this COVID crisis. Surreal comes close but seems insufficient somehow. You have an expectation, and a picture in your mind based on past experiences, of how the end of life for your loved one will be. The family would be gathered around the bedside of the one who is dying, holding their hand, telling them they are loved, saying good-bye...And those left behind would hold each other in their grief, mourning together, crying together. Relatives would be notified, and funeral preparations would begin. The loved one's life would be blessed by the priest and celebrated by the living before being taken to the cemetery for the final resting place.

Nowhere in that scenario or our wildest dreams did we expect a situation where we would be told not to leave our homes, much less our state, to visit the dying and comfort the living. That we could not hold our mom and tell her how sorry we are that her husband of 68 years has passed. That we would not be able to go to the funeral home and help with the selection of a casket and crypt. Or that we would not be able to hold a funeral due to the stay at home mandates, or accompany his body to Minnesota where his cemetery plot is located.

Instead we did a FaceTime chat with Jim's sister at the funeral home, which was better than nothing as we at least were able to sort of see the caskets and help her make a decision. In order to help ease the burden of the local sister we wrote the obituary and found a photo to accompany it. We have also been corresponding with cousins who right away volunteered to be at the cemetery when Jerry's body arrives. This was a great comfort to us as we felt it was going to be one last insult if no one was there by the graveside when he arrives. We are hoping to set up a Zoom event so that those of us who cannot travel to Minnesota can participate visually. If all goes well, it will be recorded so others can view it later. Jim and I are blessed with a neighbor who offered his assistance to set this up and record it for us.

Down the road we will have a Celebration of Life for Jerry, when it is safe for all of us to travel and be able to hug one another as we laugh and cry over a life well-lived. We are doing the best we can under the circumstances with the technology afforded us. But this is no way to lose someone you love and certainly no way to grieve the loss.

My father-in-law lived a long life, and we are grateful for the time we had with him. I was only 19 the first time I met him, and I loved him from the start. Here is a poem I wrote for him on Father's Day in 2017. The words mean more to me today than they did then, and it comforts me to know that he knew how much he meant to me.

poem to Dad

Photography Challenge Week 25

Week 25 was Story Telling: Freedom, and we were to tell a story of what freedom means to us. I cannot think of freedom without envisioning the men and women who have fought and are fighting so that I may enjoy freedom. This photo was taken in Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery, the final resting place of so many of our brave soldiers. It is also a place where the deer roam free, keeping watch over the graves.

Dogwood Photography Challenge Week 25

Fall Leaf Walk

Wednesday I went on the Fall Leaf Walk at Bellefontaine Cemetery with a couple of my friends. It was a freezing cold day with a light dusting of snow on the ground, so not ideal for looking at trees and leaves. At any rate, the tour guide was amazing and I learned a lot about not only the unique trees that exist at this Level II Accredited Arboretum, but also about the icons used on stones. The most interesting thing to me as a genealogist involves the use of a period. If a period follows the surname on a stone, that indicates the end of the family name, meaning there are no male descendants to carry on the name. Who knew?

period on headstone

It was a wonderful tour, despite the cold, and I would love to do it again and bring Jim with me. Just not when it is winter!

Bellefontaine Cemetery

Kim Wolterman

Today I had the privilege of being on Radio63119, the local radio station for my community. The topic was house research, so a woman from the Webster Groves Historical Society joined the conversation as well. The show host is so professional and easy going that it was like we were all just sitting around my coffee table. I had a blast! I would be happy to be on her show again any time she wants me. An added bonus is that she put in numerous plugs for my book on researching house history in St. Louis County. Once she has a taped transcript of the show ready, I will be able to share that on my social media outlets.

Memorial Day Weekend 2018

It was a hot and humid weekend here in the Midwest. I guess that was a boon for the swimming pools, but it was hard on the rest of us. We did some work around the house on Saturday, and then Sunday morning Jim went out for a motorcycle ride. My friend picked me up at 7:00 in the morning, and we made the trek down to Eminence, Missouri to see if we could find the wild horses again. There are some new colts, including one that is only a couple weeks old.

Regular or Unleaded?

We did not find wild horses at either of the two fields we had visited in April, though we did see many domestic horses. Riders were everywhere, including at the gas station where we stopped to buy cold drinks and use the restroom. It is a big equestrian area of the state.

We came to the conclusion that we would not see any of the wild herds due to the heat and the fact that the area was teaming with tourists floating on the river. Determined to make the most of it, we photographed flowers, an old car, and other items that struck our fancy. We had lunch in town, and then tried to go to Rocky Falls Shut-In, where we could not get anywhere near the parking lot. It was packed!

Eminence, Missouri

We decided to head for home, and just as we rounded the curve at the entrance to Echo Bluff State Park, we spied part of the Echo Bluff horse herd. The two mares and the newest baby were munching on grass along the side of the road. We couldn't believe our eyes! We pulled over to take pictures, and those darn horses decided to stand in the middle of Highway 19 and eat who knows what off the pavement. We were so frightened that they were going to get hit as there are blind curves in both directions. My friend was waving at approaching vehicles to get them to slow down, and we stayed until the horses decided to stroll up the entrance of the park. Only then did we resume our trip back to St. Louis.

Eminence wild horses

Monday I met up with a few members of our female photography group at a local coffee shop. The gal who started our group moved to Las Vegas last fall, and she was back in town for a visit. Then later in the afternoon, Jim and I drove to Jefferson Barracks Cemetery to see all the flags that had been placed on the military graves by local Boy Scouts. It was an opportunity for us to pause in remembrance of those who died keeping America the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery

Gazing into My Crystal Ball

Saturday four of us from my Women in Focus photography group got together to take pictures using crystal balls. What a unique way to look at things! While the temperature was a fairly balmy 66 degrees when we met at 9:00, the forecast was for rain and high winds. We decided to go for it anyway.

We first drove to the Malcolm W. Martin Memorial Park in East St. Louis, which offers possibly the best views of the arch and downtown St. Louis. It is a little remote, but there was actually one other person there taking pictures when we arrived. It is here that I fell in love with my crystal ball. I can see that I'll have lots of fun using it as a photography prop.

Malcolm W. Martin Memorial Park

From there we drove to Bellefontaine Cemetery in north St. Louis. One of the most beautiful cemeteries in St. Louis, Bellefontaine is also the final resting place of many of the Who's Who in St. Louis history. While at the cemetery, the winds picked and the scattered clouds added to the mood of the setting. The 20 plus degree temperature drop and rain we could have done without though!

Bellefontaine Cemetery

I found it somewhat ironic that a rafter of turkeys was hanging out in the cemetery right before Thanksgiving. Hiding in plain site? Gobble, gobble - Happy Thanksgiving!

turkey

'Tis the Season

decorated mantle

The decorations are up, the Christmas cards are in the mail, and all of the presents have been purchased and wrapped, except for the ones that are still in transit from their various websites. I still need to clean the house, buy all the groceries and do my baking, but I am feeling pretty good about where I stand right now. Katie arrives late Friday night, and she and Jim are making an impromptu trip up to Iowa for a few days to see the grandparents. She has not been with them since her graduation in 2009, and she expressed a desire to go to Charles City. In the meantime, I will finish up things around here and meet Andy and Megan when they arrive on Sunday.

This week is packed with parties and dinner engagements, so I have a feeling time will fly by. The Women in Focus photography group had a party at the president's house. She requested that we each bring a 5x7 or 8x10 of one of our pictures in a plain envelope for a gift exchange. What a fun idea! I agonized over what photo to print as many of the women are extremely talented. I settled on an 8x10 of one of my butterfly photos because I figured that would appeal to anyone. It was taken in a cemetery in Louisville this summer. The lady who got it seemed to like it. The envelope I chose actually contained two 5x7 prints, representing the "Power" and "Light" signs that are etched into the old Union Electric building downtown along the north riverfront. It was fun to see all the pictures that people brought.

my picture 

interesting tree

Speaking of pictures, a friend called me up last Friday morning when the fog was as thick as pea soup and asked if I wanted to go shoot some photos at Bellefontaine Cemetery. Of course I said yes, and it was so odd because while there was a lot of fog on the way there, in the cemetery itself the fog was almost non-existent. The lighting was pretty moody, so I guess it was okay. I did find this tree to be very interesting, with its curly branches.

After we were done at the cemetery we grabbed some lunch at Crown Candy Kitchen. The line to get in was surprisingly short. I have never gotten seated so quickly there. Then my friend drove us to Wellston as there was an old trolley station that she thought I would enjoy seeing. Built around the turn of the century (I have seen 1901 and 1909 dates used), the Wellston Station must have been beautiful in its prime. It is in such disrepair that I doubt it could be saved at this point. What a shame!

Wellston Station

Crusham Family Reunion

Margie & Betty

My sister and I drove to Cincinnati last weekend for the Crusham reunion, typically held every other year. Jim was invited to a Nascar race in Bristol, Tennessee so he did not come to the reunion with me. Of the eight children in my mom's family only two are still alive. Margie is 91 and Betty is 86. They joke, with a hint of seriousness, that they should not let me take a picture of the remaining siblings because each time I do there is one fewer in the next picture. I love these two ladies like my own mother, so I don't want to think about them not being around next time I make a trip "home". We lucked out with the weather as it was in the low 80's with a nice breeze and a low humidity level. There were fewer people at the reunion though. My sister counted 27. Six of Aunt Betty's seven girls were there, so it would have been a smaller crowd yet without them. A benefit of the smaller gathering though is that I was able to have a nice chat with almost everyone. Normally there are people I don't get a chance to visit with.

Kathy and I went to the Cincinnati Public Library downtown Saturday morning before heading to the park. (I will make a genealogist out of her yet!) We looked up the Kubler and Metz families that I am gathering information on prior to my trip to Germany and Switzerland. I am trying to get a better feel for when the Kublers, in particular, arrived in Cincinnati and when the father no longer shows up there. Because we split up the city directories, I haven't had a chance yet to see how my list compares to Kathy's.

Victor Kuebler

Sunday morning my cousin and I met up at St. Aloysius Gonzaga Cemetery to look for the grave of Victor Kuebler. He was the brother of my ancestor Joseph Kubler (and I am really curious as to why his tombstone spells the name Kuebler when it is not spelled that way in many of the directories or back in Switzerland), and I had seen his grave on findagrave.com. On the website it listed his parents, so I am positive I have the right guy. At the base of the stone of Victor and his wife were three flat stones that read Stella, Mother and Father. I don't have a Stella Kubler in my family tree so I don't know who she is, and now I am curious about the other two. Are they Victor's parents? Victor's brother Joseph also has stones saying Mother and Father in his plot in Connersville, Indiana. The cemetery records there are quite poor, so I can't tell who they are. Maybe the St. Als records will be better and I can identify the three stones. It is possible they don't belong with Victor at all. My dead relatives never make it easy for me!

We had an uneventful drive home on Monday, after stopping to buy our supplies of frozen Skyline Chili and goetta. Now to analyze the new information I found...

Cemetery Digging

Fall colors at Calvary Cemetery

Since it was such a beautiful day I headed up to Calvary Cemetery to do a little digging - figuratively speaking. Since I have been continuing my research on the building we own at 7722 Big Bend I have become a little obsessed with John J. Murdoch. Mr. Murdoch was a very successful auctioneer in partnership with Charles K. Dickson from around 1854 until Dickson died in 1871. They owned a LOT of property in the city of St. Louis as partners, and Murdock owned quite a bit of land west of the city in the area which was to later become Shrewsbury. He farmed the property and I can place him there from around 1857 through 1879. When he died in 1880 he was back in the city. Later census records and directories do not show any of his family members living in the county, so I believe the property was disposed of before 1880.

When Dickson died there apparently were more liabilities than assets in Murdock & Dickson, and as the sole remaining partner all the debt fell to Murdock. He began to sell off the property in the city to pay down the debt. Then Dickson's family filed lawsuits against him, and I can see that at least until 1903 the suits were still active. One document indicated that Murdock was insolvent when he died, having assigned all of his individual estate for the benefit of his creditors. That may mean that Murdock Farm fell victim to the liquidation.

But back to why I made the trip to Calvary. Articles and books about Shrewsbury state that the city was formed on land that was once Murdock Farm, owned by John Murdock who was a general in the civil war. I have been trying to figure out where they came up with him being a general. He was not even in the Civil War as far as I have been able to find out. First of all, he was born in 1814 so that would have made him 47 when the war began. Second, generals in the Civil War were pretty well documented and I find no record of him at all. Third, I can place him in St. Louis through census records and city directories during the time period of the war. Heck, he got married here in 1855. Fourth, his obituary makes no mention of him being a general.

So I thought perhaps his tombstone might have a marker indicating his service. He and 7 of his family members are buried on the same plot as 9 members of the Charles K. Dickson family, which I think is interesting in light of the lawsuit. Imagine my surprise when I got to the plot and found this tombstone.

Dickson-Murdock family plot

Dickson tombstone

You can see all the open space on the plot, but the only headstone is for Dickson. And even they only list 5 of the people who are buried on this plot. So strange... And even if the Murdocks were destitute at the time of John's death, you would think that somewhere along the line a family member would have erected headstones, wouldn't you?

So I will not have a tombstone to help me answer the veteran question. At any rate the man in the office at Calvary said it was up to the family whether the stone stated anything about military service. It is possible it would not have been listed anyway. I will continue to look for clues, but unless I have the wrong John J. Murdock I think someone made up a good story for how Shrewsbury got its start.

Walking in the Past

Saturday my friend Linda and I drove down to Ste. Genevieve to see some artwork that was on special display, and to look at the old buildings. While it was a little cool and windy, at least the sun was out to make the day more inviting. We decided to go on a tour of three of the buildings in addition to going through the museum where the art was displayed. Our tour guide could have been better (she admitted that it had been a long time since she had conducted a tour), but seeing the old buildings on the inside made up for it.

We had lunch at the Cafe Genevieve. It is located in an old hotel, and while the decor was cool the food and service were just so-so. Following lunch we headed off to the Catholic Church, which was amazing! The outside of the church is not all that remarkable, so when you walk inside you are not expecting to be blown away. I'd love to attend mass there some Sunday.

Our last stop was the cemetery in town, which is proclaimed to be the oldest cemetery in Missouri. I guess since St. Genevieve is the oldest town in Missouri, that makes sense. I was disappointed that I did not see any headstones older than 1812. Since the town was founded in 1735, I expected to see some older stones. Perhaps the early settlers were buried elsewhere? The town relocated in the late 1700s due to flooding. All in all, it was a fun day and great to be with someone who likes to take as many pictures as I do.

You Can't Go Home Again

Especially if the home is no longer there. Today I went to see if I could find the house my mom and dad lived in while my dad was stationed at Jefferson Barracks. I have a picture of the house, and even though I don't have the exact address my dad had indicated that it was on Perrin near Notre Dame High School. A quick Mapquest review showed that Perrin is not a very long road, so not having a house number shouldn't be a problem.

The house was no longer there, however. There are several lots with no houses on them at all, so perhaps one of those is where the house once stood. I could see Jefferson Barracks from the area, and I wondered if dad walked there each day?

I decided to drive through the cemetery since the day was sunny, if not warm. There were two funerals taking place that I came across. I went to the highest part of the cemetery and got out of my car to look around. Though I have visited Arlington National Cemetery a couple of times, I have never visited Jefferson Barracks before. It was really sobering to realize that each of those stones represents someones past; a life lived and now gone. As I drove out the gates of the cemetery, a funeral procession was heading in. And so the cycle continues...