Minnesota Fats

What is it about family reunions that makes us eat so much? This past weekend we drove first to Charles City, Iowa (six hours away) to spend the night with my in-laws before heading up to Fairfax, Minnesota (another four hours away) for the Pfeffer family reunion. My mother-in-law, who's maiden name is Pfeffer, started us off on the food-fest. She makes unbelievable cinnamon rolls and brownies. She could seriously sell them in the mall. That's assuming there are any malls left after the bankruptcies, of course. We fortified ourselves with the rolls before heading up to Minnesota on Saturday. As Fairfax is somewhat limited in its sleeping facilities, we stayed in nearby Morton (twenty additional miles each way-woo,hoo!) at the Jackpot Junction Casino Hotel. As you might know, many casinos are reknowned for their buffets. I'm proud to say we ignored the all-you-can-eat piggery of the buffet and instead ate at the other restaurant at the casino. Not that we fared much better in the calorie department as the special was steak and shrimp, which included a baked potato, mixed veggies and a roll.

Before I continue with my failure to "Eat This, Not That", I must share the evening's entertainment. Because I'm such a big gambler, after the no-armed bandit ate my dollar and the Blackjack tables showed no signs of having vacancies, our group went into the the Classic Lounge to hear the Variety Show. The show consisted of a band called "Johnny Green and the Greenmen." The band's claim to fame is that they were featured on 27 episodes of the "Batman" television series, and they played the musical score on the "Batman" soundtrack. Yep, they attract the big ones in old Morton, Minnesota! The band played everything from Patsy Cline (they really shouldn't have), to Brooks and Dunn to Aerosmith. The lounge had a large dance floor, a huge bar and walls decorated with neon guitars advertising A-B products. But it was the people in the lounge who gave variety to the show. At the table next to us sat (rarely) a couple of elderly sisters. Dressed in matching dark suits and sensible flats, they took to the dance floor like Mark Sanford to Argentina. Whenever a song began that was to their liking (which was often) they rose from their chairs in unison, carefully placed the strap of their purses on their shoulders, and toddled out to dance. As if choreographed, they swayed gently, left foot to right. They were just darling! At the other end of the spectrum was a quartet of country line dancers. Complete with cowboy boots and hats (though one guy's look was ruined by his wife beater t-shirt), they boot scootin' boogied their way around the dance floor like the Saturday night line dancing specials they were. They could all dance to any kind of music, including the not-easily identifiable songs.

The bar area was packed, with numerous victims of the all you can eat buffet overflowing the bar stools. One particular girl was lookin' good in black spandex shorts and a black suntop. You could tell by her stance and her jestures that she thought she was hot. Unbelievable...do they not have mirrors in Morton? Where are the "What Not to Wear" clothes Nazis when you need them? I only have one thing to say - there is not enough spanx in the world! But I offer up a hardy thanks to her and the others for providing me with free entertainment and good blogging material.

The family reunion on Sunday was well attended, and accompanied by massive amounts of food. Everything tasted great, and since I did eat the vegetable salads I felt justified in having one of the Special K bars (hey, they contain peanut butter!) and one of my mother-in-law's brownies. After all, I would never want to hurt her feelings. We drove back to Charles City that afternoon, and were treated to a fried chicken dinner Monday before heading back to St. Louis. So glad I lost a couple of pounds recently so I could gain them back on this trip. It's back to the health club for me so I can lose this Minnesota fat.