Our New Normal

last picture together December 4, 2016

It's been a little over a week since we had Kirby put to sleep. We are still trying to adjust to our new normal. I knew that Jim would have a hard time because Kirby was his little buddy - they had a mutual love affair going on. I loved Kirby as well, and I know he loved me, too. But I played second fiddle if Jim was around, despite me being the one who was in the house with Kirby all day. But I underestimated how much I would miss the little guy. Everything in the house reminds me of him, especially when I am cooking. I got the can opener out to open some tomatoes. He would have dashed to my side, hoping I was preparing some tuna or canned chicken. The cutting board? He was always right there in the hopes that I was cutting up ham or chicken. It will be a long time before I can buy ham at the deli, as that is what I wrapped all of his pills in so that he would eat them. And I don't think Jim or I will be able to eat a hard boiled egg for quite a while. Kirby loved those, and he and Jim shared one each morning.

Last Wednesday the trash bins did not get rolled back to the house because I always grabbed them after our afternoon walk. And the W-K Times didn't get picked up Friday morning because Jim and Kirby would get it after their morning walk. We both find ourselves leaving a last bite of meat on our plates because we would save Kirby a treat each meal.

Friday I came home to a message on the answering machine from the emergency clinic with "some information about Kirby". I almost didn't return the call, but I knew it would be hard for Jim to do it as well so I just got it over with. As I suspected, they wanted to let us know that Kirby's ashes were ready to be picked up. Jim had requested that he be cremated. I confirmed that they would hold the ashes until we were ready to come and get them. When is one ever ready for that? I am still traumatized over my dad making me go to the vet to pick up the collar and leash of our German Shepherd after he died on the operating table when I was in college.

But Jim was out yesterday afternoon, so he did stop and pick up the remains and settled our bill. He said it was terrible. He felt the eyes of the other pet owners on him as they sat in the waiting room with their pets on a leash while his was in a box. When he got home, he told me not to freak out, but that Kirby was in his favorite spot. I peered into the conservatory, and sure enough Jim had set the box on the couch where Kirby had spent most of his time. He loved sitting in the corner of that couch (or on top of the cushion) so that he could watch for Beloved (as I referred to Jim) come home from work. It was a jolt to see the box in his corner. One surprise is that the emergency clinic had made a cast of Kirby's foot to give to us. It was a nice gesture that I am sure we will appreciate at some point. For right now it is another reminder of what we are missing.

all that remains

We received sympathy cards from our new vet as well as the emergency clinic. A couple of friends have sent cards as well. My Facebook post about Kirby's death received over 100 comments in addition to all the emoticons people tagged on it. It is comforting to know that he touched so many people in his ten years with us. I know that we gave him a great life, and he in turn graced us with much love and happiness. But right now our new normal doesn't feel very normal at all.

Our Hearts are Broken

Late yesterday afternoon we had Kirby put to sleep. In the past few days he had seemed more restless, particularly at night. He spent a lot of time on the tile floor of the conservatory, despite the cold temperature. The conservatory was definitely his room, with the couch serving as his throne where he could observe his subjects - the birds, bunnies and cats who traversed through our yard. And where he could watch for his most loyal subject (Jim) to arrive home. It was unusual for him to be spending so much time on the hard floor.

His tumor had continued to grow, but did not appear to be bothering him until yesterday. He had eaten well in the morning and taken his pills nicely for me. He and Jim took their normal long morning walk, and then we went out to do some Christmas shopping. Kirby still seemed fine, and Jim went to the office to do some work, and I headed upstairs to try to look at a website issue I've had ever since some cretins hacked into my web host and ruined four of my sites. Jim got home a little after four, and called up to me that Kirby was bleeding. He must have just been licking the tumor nonstop while we weren't watching. He was bleeding quite a bit, and his muzzle and feet were covered in blood. I knew what that meant as I had discussed this with the doctor a couple weeks ago when he aspirated this latest lump. Mast cell cancer is incurable, and he would continue to get these tumors. It was time to let him go. I called the emergency clinic while Jim was cleaning things up to let them know what was going on. It was the same facility where we had met with the oncologist, so they had a file on Kirby.

We wrapped Kirby up in towels and headed to the clinic. They immediately took us to a private room, which we very much appreciated. We spoke first with a technician, and she took Kirby away to insert a catheter into his leg in preparation for the medication. The vet took a look at him at the same time, and then the tech returned Kirby to Jim's lap. The very young vet then came in to talk to us. She confirmed that we wanted him put to sleep, and then said in light of all that was going on with him she felt this was the best decision. I told her it was hard to let him go though, as he was still eating and playing and wanting his daily walks. She said that it was a blessing that he did not have to go through all the really bad stuff that this cancer can cause. It was just the right thing to say to us. She asked if we wanted more time with him, and we said no because he was really agitated at the point. So she injected medicine to make him go to sleep, and then the final dose for his permanent rest. It was all very quick though he did take one last inhale that was a little disconcerting. She continued to listen for a heartbeat until there was none. 5:45 p.m. It was all over but the crying. Truer words...

After we got home I washed up the bloody towels and Jim's bloody clothes. I texted or emailed close family members to give them the news, asking them not to call us last night. We couldn't handle talking to anyone. Neither one of us ate dinner, or slept much last night. We were missing our bed buddy. When I went downstairs this morning, the first thing I did was check to see if Kirby's water bowl was filled. The pill bottles lined up on the counter made me cry. I woke up my computer only to see the website of the emergency clinic staring me in the eyes. The first email I read was from Merial, reminding me to apply Kirby's flea treatment.

Since I was bawling anyway, I went ahead and packed up all of his toys, leashes, food, etc. I discarded what needed to be thrown away, and hope to donate a couple of unused leashes and poop bags to someone who can use them. I also have an unopened box of flea treatment and sealed Heart Guard pills that I am hoping a shelter can use. We'll see...I can't deal with that yet, but at least it is all out of site. None of it will be out of mind, however.

Giving Thanks

Jim and Monty

For the third year in a row Jim and I were able to go to Washington, DC to be with Andy and Megan for Thanksgiving. Katie has also been able to make it each time to join us. This was the first time all five of us have been together since last Christmas, so it was pretty special. The weather was cooperative and we arrived the day before Thanksgiving with no problems. Megan picked us up from the airport, and once we got our things settled, Jim and I took the granddog Monty for a walk. They are so blessed in that a wonderful county park with hiking/biking trails and a lake are located an easy walking distance from their house, so that is our route of choice with Monty. For an eight pound little squirt, this guy can sure go!

We had a quiet day on Thursday, but Friday morning Jim, Andy and I headed out early to pick up some donuts at Duck Donuts. Oh my! You basically special order your donuts any way you like them. They were tasty!

Duck Donuts

After lunch we went to the town of Occoquan, Virginia, which was founded in 1734. It is very quaint with some unusual shops, and is on the banks of a pretty river with a water fall. My favorite part of the town was the "LOVE" sign, where we had a family picture taken. It was a very popular photo op spot, as you can imagine. We were able to pick up a couple of Christmas gifts in town, so that was a bonus. Here's a tip - never buy more than you can fit in your suitcase for the return flight home. You're welcome.

Occoquan, Virginia

Saturday we drove to a couple of different wineries. Wine tasting is not my thing because I prefer a sweet wine, but I don't mind going along as I can always find something to photograph. The second winery had a nice bread/meat/cheese basket, so we enjoyed a late lunch or early dinner. They also had a sangria that was pretty tasty.

Virginia wineries

We were somewhat lazy on Sunday, though we did go and visit Georgetown University. Katie is looking at graduate schools, and that one has made her short list. They have a very nice campus.

We had all been looking forward to Monday, though. Andy and Megan had to work, so the rest of us took an Uber ride into the Washington, DC center. We began at the Capitol Building, thinking we'd just take a quick look around. But we got caught up in a tour and ended up spending a couple of hours there. I hadn't been inside since my junior year of high school. Our tour guide was so interesting and informative.

U.S. Capitol Building

Museum of African American History and Culture

From there we went to the National Museum of African American History & Culture, which just opened in September of this year. Megan had been lucky enough to snag five tickets several months ago, and she and Andy arranged their work day to meet us there. While this Smithsonian museum is free, you must have a timed ticket to get in. Currently there are no tickets available until next April! While it was crowded, our tickets were late enough in the day that there were no bus loads of school children there so that helped. There are over 36,000 artifacts contained in 350,000 square feet, so you need a lot of time to visit. We didn't have near enough as the museum closes at 5:30. But I can say that what we saw was heartbreaking, thought provoking and encouraging all at the same time. We will definitely go again on a future visit to the DC area.

The next day Jim and I flew home and Katie headed back to LA. We had an event-filled week between playing tourist, enjoying family time and many romping rounds of Five Crowns. I love making these memories with the kids, and can't wait until we are all together again later this month. As Celine Dion sang, "These are the precious times..."

Monty

A Dog's Life

Kirby

In October we found another lump on Kirby's belly, very near the site of the original tumor. We kept a close eye on it, and it began to change so on November 14th I took him back in to the vet. He performed a needle biopsy on the lump, and to no one's surprise it tested positive for mast cell cancer. This is very dismaying as it has only been three months since the last tumors were removed. The vet said that he can remove it, and in fact it would be a little easier than the last one as it is over a bit from his private parts. But he said we have to face the reality that it can and will come back. How many surgeries do we want to put him through? How many surgeries do we want to put ourselves through, not to mention the expense? This type of cancer is incurable, and I honestly don't think the chemotherapy would have made a difference so I am glad we didn't put him through that.

After some discussion, we decided to try putting him on prednisone in addition to the Benadryl and Pepcid AC that he currently takes. The hope is that the prednisone will keep the cancer cells from irritating Kirby to the point that he licks the tumor and forces it into ulcerating like it did last time. This drug can make dogs very hungry and thirsty, and some dogs urinate in the house because they can't control their bladders. We started with a dosage of three pills at a time once a day, which would be modified if he ended up peeing all over the place.

Fortunately, he has tolerated the medicine well. He is drinking and eating more, and also pants a lot. That, too, is a known side effect. Unfortunately, the tumor continued to grow a bit. His prescription was going to run out on the 23rd, the day we were leaving for Washington, DC to be with our kids for Thanksgiving. So I called the vet again to see about refilling the prednisone. He said that drug should have caused the tumor to shrink some, and that it is a bad sign that it grew even while he was on the medication. But I feel it is great that the tumor didn't go crazy in a 48 hour time period like the last one did, so he agreed to renew the prescription to get us through the seven days we would be gone.

The dog sitter called us the night of the 23rd, and she felt the tumor had grown more and was very red. She wanted to let me know that she had called the vet, and he had her adjust the timing of the pills, giving him one in the morning and two at dinner, along with an additional Benadryl mid-afternoon. She felt we would want to know. None of us slept well that night. Jim was even looking into flights to head back home on Thanksgiving Day in case Kirby needed to be hospitalized - or worse. But when I called the sitter the next morning, she was pleased with the change as the tumor didn't look nearly as red as before. She kept him on the new regimen while we were gone, and fortunately that worked out okay.

I honestly did not know if I would get to see Kirby again. I thought for sure based on how the last tumor went that it would ulcerate while we were away, and we would be faced with tough decisions from far away. It was a horrible feeling, and cast a damper on our visit with the kids. The five of us had not been together since last Christmas, so it is a shame that we had this hanging over all of us. But in the end it all worked out and we will just take each day as it comes. For now he is eating and sleeping well, and still wants to go on his daily walks. I don't know how much more time he has to be with us, but I intend to enjoy each and every day we get.

Write On!

Kim Wolterman

Last week I gave a presentation on why every book needs a business plan at the monthly meeting of the St. Louis Publishers Association. The topic sounds a bit dry, doesn't it? Hopefully, the presentation wasn't. I didn't see any of the 30 or so attendees sleeping, at any rate. I believe it is important to think of the business side of writing a book as much as you think about the creative side. What is the point of spending months or years writing a book, only to find out that you can't afford to get it into print? Or to have it fail because you didn't have a plan for helping it succeed? Sometimes I feel like we don't cover the expense side of book publishing enough. At any rate, the presentation seem to be well-received, and people hung around talking until 9:30. If you are interested in reading more, I have posted about book business plans on my Write Formation blog, which you can find here.

Jim was on a motorcycle adventure last week, so Kirby and I held down the fort. The pooch is doing quite well, though we did just find a small lump on his tummy which we will need to keep a close eye on. I took him with me to Creve Couer Lake for a walk and to watch the sun set. Wow! This is the view I fantasize about when I think of a retirement home.

Creve Coeur Lake

Jim got back home last Saturday, so on Sunday we went to the Missouri Botanical Garden. These extended periods of temperatures in the 80s and even 90s have played havoc with the fall colors. I am afraid we are not going to see the vibrant oranges and reds we are used to. Instead I think the leaves will go more brown and then fall off. That's too bad, because I love fall. Some pretty flowers were still blooming, so it was still worth the visit.

Missouri Botanical Garden

children await arrival of UP 844

Tuesday of this week a train powered by a steam engine came whistling through our town. Delivered in 1944, Steam Locomotive 844 was designed to pull high speed passenger trains, and was the last steam engine built for Union Pacific Railroad. This is the first time in three years that it has been in operation as it was undergoing restoration. The train is traveling from Cheyenne, Wyoming to Memphis, Tennessee for the dedication of the "Big River Crossing" pedestrian bridge/rail bridge over the Mississippi River. I was amazed by how many people turned out, not only in our community, but many other locations in the St. Louis area. I loved the fact that the local pre-school brought the children down to see the train. This is a piece of history you just don't see every day. And of course I had the Johnny Cash song, Folsom Prison Blues, going through my head. "I hear the train a 'comin/It's rollin' 'round the bend..."

You can check out my short video here.

UP 844

Family Affair

My sister and I drove to Cincinnati last weekend for the Crusham family reunion. Once held every other year (sort of) at a park in the heat of August, one of the female cousins took charge several years ago and secured a room at Price Hill Chili in the fall. For three years in a row we have not had to endure heat, humidity, rain or bugs. It is also easier for the elders in the family to get in and out of this location, the bathrooms are clean and the chairs are more comfortable. Genius! The added bonus is that the restaurant serves breakfast all day, so I can get my Goetta fix taken care of at the same time.

Kubler family

But our first stop upon arrival Friday night was a German restaurant in Newport, Kentucky to meet with the last surviving sibling of my dad along with her three children. It is always nice to see them and catch up on their lives. I had a bit of trouble locating the restaurant as my GPS did not recognize the address. This led to us hitting street closures, roads that did not connect between Covington and Newport, and an unexpected trip over the river into downtown Cincinnati during rush hour and a Reds game. To top it off, my sister's phone had frozen, and she had the cell number of the cousin who had arranged the meeting place. We were like the Keystone Cops, and felt every bit as incompetent as the bumbling police in the show. We finally arrived at the restaurant 20 minutes late. I guess it could have been worse. The conversation was good as was the food. When the German band began to play, however, it was time to head out as the sound was deafening.

From there we drove to a Crusham cousin G's house, where we would be spending the weekend. Unfortunately, he became extremely dizzy soon after our arrival, and he had to be taken to the hospital via ambulance. My sister jokingly told him that if he didn't want us to come he should have just said so! He ended up spending two nights in the hospital with a diagnosis of severe vertigo. As he was concerned he was having a stroke, this was good news indeed.

Saturday morning I met a female cousin for breakfast, and then my sister and I went to the hospital to check on G. We stayed there until it was time for Mass at St. Theresa's, which is located across from Price Hill Chili. The proximity meant we were the first to arrive for the reunion, so we settled in with a drink and some popcorn while we waited. A number of our relatives were out of town or had other plans that night, but we still ended up with 29 people. The oldest in the group was my mom's first cousin, who is 97 and enjoyed a Bloody Mary. There are only two girls left in my mom's immediate family, and they are 94 and 89 years old. Longevity is pretty good in the clan. We had a great time, as always.

Sunday afternoon we went and visited with our 94 year old aunt for awhile as it is difficult to catch up when there is a big crowd. Then we took her to a steakhouse, where we met up with her daughter and granddaughter. That pretty much wrapped up the weekend, and we headed home on Monday.

While I was gone, Jim took Kirby up to Iowa. His parents wanted to see Kirby while he is still feeling good. We were cherishing memories in both Ohio and Iowa this weekend.

Update on Kirby's Cancer

Kirby at the clinic

On Thursday the 22nd we took Kirby to see the oncologist, Dr. S. It was our first visit to Veterinary Specialty Services, a clinic filled with board-certified veterinary specialists. So basically every animal that comes in there is in some sort of a crisis situation. I filled out the paperwork, and we had a short wait before the vet could see us. We found Dr. S. to be a no nonsense type of person, but with a wonderful bedside manner. We discussed Kirby's surgery and the pathology reports, and she suggested doing an ultrasound to see if there were any additional tumors in the belly area. If he was loaded with tumors then followup treatments would not make sense. We agreed that was a good starting point.

They took him in the back, shaved his tummy and did the test. It was questionable whether they would have to put him under for the ultrasound, but in the end a muzzle took care of the issue. We met again with Dr. S., who said that the good news was she did not see any new growths. She also did a needle aspiration on a lump on his leg, and that was just one of the many fatty growths he has on his body. Her recommendation was to do chemotherapy, whether through pill form or IV. That would be up to us. She explained that she hates mast cell cancer because it is so unpredictable, and the fact that he had it in a lymph node was very troublesome. We discussed the pros and cons of the pill versus IV therapy, and honestly my biggest concern at the time was that the pills are very dangerous to humans. You have to wear special gloves when you handle them. It makes sense to me to have them administer the IV in a controlled setting where they know what they are doing. The treatment would involve going in once a week for four weeks, and then every other week for four additional treatments. So three months, essentially. The pills, on the other hand, would be administered every other day for three months. Whichever way we go, Kirby's saliva, urine and feces will be toxic to us and other animals, so we'll need to exercise caution with that. His immune system would be compromised either way, and he would not be allowed around any other animals. Not even at the groomers.  After further discussion, we set up the first IV treatment for the next day, Friday the 23rd.

At 4:00 in the morning on Friday, Jim and I were both wide awake and fretting. I could not stop crying, worrying about whether or not we were making the right decision. We finally decided that if we were both concerned, then we should listen to our guts. We are not impulsive people who make major decisions without looking at all the facts and options, and I think that was part of the problem for us both. I called and cancelled the appointment, and asked for Dr. S. to call me. She returned my call a few hours later and answered all of my questions to the best of her ability. Basically, mast cell cancer cannot be cured. It will come back in Kirby, so it's not an "if" but a "when" situation. What you are hoping to accomplish with chemo is to destroy or disrupt the mast cells that have gone rogue in his system. Unfortunately there are no good statistics to help with the decision. It's not like she can say if you give him chemo, he can live for another 2-3 years. Or if he doesn't get chemo he will die in 3 months.  If he was five instead of going on eleven, that would make the decision easier.

We have since talked to a couple of people that worked in clinics that treated dogs with cancer, and they both said most dogs handle the chemo better than a people do. But all I can think is, if he is one that gets really sick, how in the world do I get his toxic waste out of hardwood floors and tile grout? Would he have to be kept in a kennel? Can we even take him on any walks if his waste is hazardous to other animals?

Lots of questions and no easy answers. At the moment, we are doing nothing other than keeping him on the medications he has been on since surgery - Benadryl twice a day, a Pepcid AC cut in half twice a day, and an Apoquel once a day. The mast cells release too many histamines in the body, causing itching and a chance of damage to the stomach lining, so these drugs help to keep that in check. I am taking him tomorrow for his grooming, which we do every two months and he is due for that. And Jim's parents want to see Kirby while he is still feeling good, so the two of them are going to do a road trip soon. Then we'll have to make an executive decision on which was to go. It is hard because Kirby has no say in this whatsoever. What decision would he make???

Floating Away

float trip

My husband's office has a float trip each summer, and we were back on the Huzzah River again this year. We shared an A-frame cabin with Jim's business partner (whose wife got sick at the last minute and wasn't able to go.) There were 23 of us altogether, and most of the others set up tents, with the exception of a couple who had just purchased a nice-sized camper. While I don't really mind tent camping, doing so in August is not my idea of a good time. I was happy to have the air conditioning as well as indoor plumbing. It worked out well because the A-frame had a kitchen, and the refrigerator and running water made it easier to prepare the Saturday evening meal.

A-frame cabins

The forecast for the weekend was not good, calling for temperatures in the 90's and rain, but we actually lucked out. It was overcast for much of the day on Saturday, and we had a slight breeze out on the water. The river was not too crowded - perhaps the forecast kept people away. It ended up being a lot of fun, and it was nice for me to be able to meet the new employees as well as this year's batch of interns. One of the interns is from the Cincinnati area, so we sure had a lot to talk about.

Huzzah horses

Saturday night was not restful as there was a huge party going on until all hours of the morning in the area where the cabins were located. But we awoke to some low lying clouds, and Jim captured this nice picture of the horses in the pasture.

We had a light breakfast and enjoyed coffee/tea on the deck of the cabin before packing up and heading out. Jim and I stopped in Cuba, Missouri on the way back to see the murals in town. There are 12 outdoor murals that tell the history of Cuba, which was founded in 1857. We did not have a map depicting the locations of the murals, but we were still able to find all of them. Below are pictures of a few of them. They are beautifully done, and it is well worth a stop if you are heading down Interstate 44.

Cuba, Missouri murals

While we were gone Kirby was in the capable hands of the friend who always stays with him, and he was just fine without us. We left his cone of shame on, and Caren commented that he wears the cone like a fashion accessory! She was amazed at how well he has adapted to life with the collar. We actually removed it last night as the vet said to wait 3-4 days post stitch removal to take it off. He did a little licking at the surgery site, but not too bad. He has behaved himself pretty well today, so I am hoping that we can leave the cone off. He sure does like to snuggle, and it is pretty hard with that large thing around his head.  With all the uncertainty, we want to get in as many snuggles as possible.

The Stitches are Out!

Kirby August 25

Three weeks post-surgery, Kirby finally got his stitches out today. Unfortunately, while the stitches were ready to come out, there is some seepage from one of the surgical sites. It could be that there is an infection because somehow our contortionist has managed to lick the wounds this past week despite the cone of shame (which is actually called an econe, by the way). But Dr. M. is more concerned that it might be an indication that the cancer is still in there. Wow - that was not something we wanted to hear! Kirby's weight is also down two pounds from pre-surgery, and that is pretty significant on a dog his size. I imagine they will be monitoring that as well, though I do think some of the medications affected his appetite.

For now the vet prescribed more antibiotics and prednisone to hopefully help with the itching, though I would have thought the Benadryl would have done the trick. We also put a larger cone on him, so there is no way for him to reach the incisions now. On the plus side, this cone is clear and he seems more comfortable with being able to see better than he could with the opaque cone. With any luck, it will only take a few days to clear things up and we can remove the cone. They want to see Kirby again in two weeks, or sooner if we see any problems. We got the name of the oncologists, so we'll be scheduling an appointment with them after Labor Day as our schedule is pretty booked until then.

A new pickleball friend of mine had asked me last week if I minded if she added Kirby's name to a Facebook group called Fur Angel Blessing Blanketeers whose members pray for pets in need. Of course I said it was fine. She also asked for my address, and I thought it was because she wanted to mail us a card. Imagine my surprise when a package arrived in the mail yesterday, addressed to Kirby. Inside was a note and a blanket with a  matching toy, telling Kirby that they hoped the blanket would bring him comfort as he heals. It was postmarked from a woman I do not know in North Carolina. How amazing is that? Even more incredible was the fact that Kirby sniffed it all over, and then laid down on it. He usually shies away from something he hasn't seen before. It was as if he could feel the love coming from the blanket. Puppy love from 600 miles away! Maybe I'll curl up on it too - I could use some comfort right now as well.

Kirby's new blanket

Kirby Update

Kirby August 16

It's been over two weeks since Kirby had surgery to remove his tumors. Until the diagnosis of cancer, it was intended that his stitches would be removed on the 18th. Because of the type of cancer he has, the vet wanted to leave the stitches in for an additional week, so they will be removed on the 25th. Dr. M. said we could try taking the cone off to see how Kirby would do, and we removed it after dinner on the 18th. He was such a happy boy! He could finally rub his ears, and get around without running into things.

Unfortunately, it also meant he could get to the two incisions. He went and hid behind a chair and licked them until they were all red and swollen. Man, he is so much like a toddler sometimes. So the cone went back on, and it will remain in place until the vet removes it on Thursday.

Other than that, he is doing quite well. We are taking two walks a day, and could probably add back in his third now that the weather has cooled a bit. He is done with his antibiotics and his pain pills, so that just leaves giving him Benadryl. I think he will have to take those the rest of his life, but I will ask the vet about it on Thursday. His appetite is pretty much back to normal. I'm thinking that his post-surgical medications probably acted as an appetite suppressant. All in all, things are okay for now.

We celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary Friday night at Annie Gunn's with Jim's business partner and his wife. They were also celebrating special birthdays, so it was a big night. We we seated in one of their special booths that has a sliding door for privacy, and they brought us each a complimentary shot glass of sparkling moscato. It was very good. Then after dinner they gave us two pieces of warm apple pie ala mode to share, complete with a candle in them. How nice was that? The best part is that both couples had gift cards, so the entire deal only cost us $10 out of pocket. Nice!

Sunday was so gorgeous that Jim went for a motorcycle ride, and I headed off to the Missouri Botanical Garden with a friend. It was such a treat to have a day in August that began in the low sixties with even lower humidity. Here are a few of my favorite photos from the day.

Missouri Botanical Garden August 21

Stupid Cancer

Kirby June 2016

When the new vet called me late last week, I did not immediately think the worst. He was asking how Kirby was doing, and truly the dog is doing well. He bounds up and down the stairs, jumps off the couch and bed, and does not seem to be in any pain. He has adjusted to his new normal of wearing the cone of shame. The only thing that has given me a little concern is the fact that his appetite seems to be off. Fortunately he still will take a bite of ham from me, which is great as that is how I disguise the pills he has to take. And he will normally eat the hard boiled egg that he and Jim share each morning, but he has not eaten much of his dry food. I suspect that he may be playing me a little, hoping he can hold out for more ham.

But then Dr. M. mentioned that the pathology report came back, and that is when my heart dropped. I figured it was probably bad news if he was calling me himself. The report stated that Kirby has mast cell cancer. Mast cells are present in all dogs, and they help other cells get to where they need to be to fight an infection. The mast cells release histamine, which causes tissue swelling so the white cells can travel through the tissue to reach the infection. But when a dog has mast cell cancer, the amount of histamines being released can be dangerous. A tumor is formed when the mast cells reproduce out of control. Mast cell tumors are the most common form of skin cancer in dogs. Certain breeds are at increased risk to get this type of cancer, including the Boston terrier, Boxer, English Bulldog, Bullmastiff, Labrador retriever, and other bull breeds. As a cockapoo, Kirby does not fall into any of those, so it is certainly odd that he got this.

Because Dr. M. found a second tumor when operating on Kirby, and that tumor involved a lymph node, Kirby's cancer is considered a Grade II out of III, and he has been given a "guarded" prognosis. I was advised to start him on 25mg of Benadryl twice a day to help combat all the histamines that the cancer is pouring into his system. And removal of the stitches was pushed back one week as this type of tumor has a tendency to come "unzipped". When asked if this means Kirby has to wear the cone for an additional week, the vet said that was up to us. He said we can remove it and see if Kirby leaves the stitches alone. My plan is to keep it on for the full two weeks, and then remove it to see how he does. I don't want to take if off and then have to put it back on.

Dr. M. said at this point he can recommend some veterinarian cancer specialists in St. Louis if we want to go that route. I have been reading up on mast cell cancer, and it sounds as if the first six months following surgery will be crucial. If Kirby doesn't have a recurrence of the cancer in that time period, studies show that 44% of dogs survived over four years following surgery. Since he is already over ten years old, that would be a good run.

Jim & Kirby

Jim was out of town for work when I got the call, so I waited until he got back home to tell him about
Kirby. He wasn't going to be able to do anything from where he was at, and I certainly didn't want him driving home alone with this weighing on him. We both love Kirby, but Jim is number one in Kirby's eyes. They are best buds. Jim and I are on the same page as far as thinking that we'd like to meet with a specialist if only to learn what to expect with this disease. We certainly would not be in favor of doing anything that would cause Kirby unnecessary pain, or make him extremely ill for whatever time he has left with us. But if there is something that can give us more time together without hurting him, we'd like to explore the options.

Skin cancer on both me and my dog - what are the odds?

Doggone It!

Kirby August 3

In the spring we noticed a small mass on Kirby's stomach. I pointed it out to the vet when I took him in to the office in early June for his annual physical. Kirby had a similar lump in 2015 that was removed in June of that year. The vet looked at the mass he had removed and didn't feel it was anything to worry about, so he did not send it off for a pathology report. This year, Dr. D. said he felt the lump was different and told me to keep an eye on it.

The mass grew a little between June and August, and when I took him to the groomer on the 1st of this month, I pointed it out to her so that she would be careful when trimming that area. He was fine when I brought him home that day. By Tuesday he was beginning to bother the lump through constant licking. I called Dr. D.'s office to schedule an appointment, and they told me they could get him in the next Tuesday. When I pushed the issue, they said I could bring him in Thursday, and they would stick him in a kennel until they could look at him. Complicating things was the fact that we were due to leave for Iowa (Kirby included) on Thursday. The pooch and I were going to stay with my mother-in-law while Jim took his dad and sister up to Minnesota for the Wolterman family reunion. All of my father-in-law's remaining five sisters were going to attend, and we really wanted him to be able to be there as well.

Kirby August 3

During the night on Tuesday, Kirby was not leaving the lump alone and it had grown noticeably. First thing Wednesday morning, Jim took him to the emergency vet hospital. They looked at the growth, said we needed to schedule surgery with our vet, and sent him home with antibiotics and the cone of shame. When I called our vet's office once they opened, they said they could do surgery on August 18th! Are you even kidding me? That's when I began to cry on the phone, and told the gal I couldn't make this poor dog wait two more weeks in his condition. I said, "You know when we need you guys, we NEED you!" This kind of wait for a practice that proclaims themselves to be an animal hospital is just unacceptable. She said she would talk to the vet when he got in and call me back. They ended up scheduling Kirby's surgery for Tuesday, August 9th.

Kirby August 4

The site of the tumor began to bleed a little during the night Wednesday, and he honestly looked like he had an udder hanging down. We decided that Jim would go on up to Iowa, and I would stay at home with Kirby. I didn't feel he could handle a 7 hour car ride, and they warned us that there was an outside chance this thing could burst. It that happened, it would be very messy. In the meantime, Kirby was dripping blood everywhere, so after consulting with a few people in the vet field, I ran to the store and got gauze pads and a gauze roll, and Jim helped me bandage him up before he left. The lump felt about the size of a golf ball!

It wasn't long before the bandage was saturated. I covered our new oriental rug with plastic and threw an old blanket over it for Kirby to sit on. In the meantime, I called both the vet's office, who said they would still see me on Tuesday, and the emergency hospital to advise them on the changes. I pleaded with the emergency tech for them to remove this tumor, and she said, "We don't do that kind of surgery" followed by "He won't bleed to death before Tuesday."

As luck would have it, my friend Caren came to the house at 2:00 to look at one of my websites that had been hacked. I had at the last minute sent her a text and told her I wasn't going out of town after all in case she had time to work on it. Caren is also the one who stays with our baby when we travel. She took one look at him (and the dripping blood), and said that something needed to be done. Her relative is a vet in town, so she called his practice. They said they would see us at 4:00, and at the very least would try to stop the bleeding. Caren drove me so that I could hold Kirby to keep him calm.

Once Dr. M. looked Kirby over and felt the tumor, he knew it was a pretty dire situation. He checked to see if one of his technicians could stay late, and then said they would do his surgery at 6:00 that night. I couldn't believe it, and I had to rush over and give him a hug. It was such a relief to know that Kirby would be taken care of, and to have someone finally take me and the situation seriously! He warned me that it was going to be a tricky surgery because of where the tumor was located. Let alone being so close to his pen*s, there are other organs and lots of blood vessels in that area. He anticipated that the surgery would take about an hour and a half, and said they would keep Kirby overnight. Caren and I left to go grab some dinner, and then went back to my house.

I got a call from Dr. M. saying they were beginning the surgery at 6:45, so I expected to hear around 8:30 that they were done. In fact, it was nearly 10:00 before we got a call. Of course we were all frantic by that point, imagining the worse. I guess they wanted to wait until he was awake from the anesthesia before they gave us a report. Dr. M. said when he got in there, Kirby was bleeding internally. As he removed the tumor, he made sure to take some tissue from around it so that hopefully there would be clean margins in the event that it is cancerous. He was shocked to find a second growth hiding behind the other tumor. He thought it was an enlarged lymph node, so he removed it as well. Other than that, everything went well, and Kirby had actually had a little to eat and drink after he was awake a bit. Dr. M. said to call him in the morning so he could tell me how Kirby was doing.

home from surgery

The next morning I got a positive report - the surgical site was looking fine, and Kirby had a good night. We set it up for me to come and get him at 9:30. Caren once again drove me to the clinic, and I stopped and picked up donuts and a fruit tray to express my gratitude to the entire office. Kirby was almost as happy to see me as the staff was to see the donuts - ha!  I asked about the size of the tumors, and Dr. M. said the first was larger than a golf ball, and the second one was just about as big. Kirby needs to wear the cone of shame until the stitches come out, which will be on the 18th. He was also sent home with antibiotics and pain pills. He is on limited activity, and no walks until the stitches are removed. That will be the hardest part for all of us as he normally gets three walks per day.

So far he is doing well. He is tolerating the medicines and the two incision sites look very good. Now we wait for the pathology report, and pray that nothing bad showed up.

Just a Walk in the Park

Laumeier Mansion

We had an unseasonably warm weekend here in St. Louis, so Jim and I took advantage of the weather on Sunday and took Kirby to Laumeier Sculpture Park, a 105-acre open-air museum and park. Located on property that contains a 1917 Tudor mansion once owned by Henry and Matilda Laumeier, the park is most noted for all the interesting and unique sculptures placed throughout the property. But we really enjoy walking the trails that are nestled back in the woods. The gentle hills and valleys are just challenging enough to get your heart rate up without worrying that you'll need CPR when you arrive at the top.

We thought that the park would be very crowded considering the mildness of the day, but perhaps everyone went to the zoo instead. We had the place pretty much to ourselves for most of the visit. That was perfect for us, and Kirby enjoyed all the new smells he gets to check out when we're in the woods. We are blessed to have so many great parks in the area so we can try out different walks.

Triangular Bridge Over Water

Bornibus

Walking Roots

Face of the Earth #3

Much to be Thankful For

Lambert St. Louis Airport

We traveled to the Washington, DC area for Thanksgiving this year. We actually did this two years ago as well, and after that trip I swore I would not travel during one of the busiest flying time periods again. I am still a little baffled as to how this trip came to pass. But we had a travel voucher, and the kids had purchased a new home and a new puppy, so there you have it. We flew out on Wednesday, which surprisingly was not a blackout date for the voucher. When I checked into our flights Tuesday afternoon, I was elated that we each got TSA Pre-check. No long lines for us - yay! But when we arrived at the airport and went to check our bags, the place was empty! What the heck? Where were all the people? They certainly were not in the security line either, as we walked right through. No TSA was even necessary. As our flight was delayed and we had planned extra time due to the holiday, I was really grateful that we had a free pass to the Admirals Club. We were able to sit and enjoy coffee/tea, free wifi and snacks while waiting until it was time to board.

The flight was pretty uneventful, and Andy picked us up at the airport. Because there were three of us in his truck, he could use the HOV (high occupancy vehicle) lane, so traveling to his home was a breeze. Before we could check out the house, we first had to check out this guy.

Monty

Isn't he adorable? He is a seven month old papipoo - half papillon and half miniature poodle. He weighs all of seven pounds, and is so sweet. Jim and I enjoyed taking him for long walks to nearby Lake Accotink Park. With 493 acres and a 55 acre lake, we did not see it all but really enjoyed walking the hilly trails.

carousel in the park

Lake Accotink Park

Katie flew in from Los Angeles on Thursday afternoon, so we actually had our Thanksgiving dinner on Friday. It was Megan's first time making the full, traditional meal, and she did a great job!

Jim, me, Andy, Megan & Katie

We did some sight-seeing, including going to a couple of wineries, and played some card games in the evenings. Katie left on Monday to fly home, but with our voucher we could not leave until Tuesday. We did not get TSA Pre-check for the flight home, but the security line was not too long anyway. As our flight was delayed two hours, we were thankful to have a second pass for the Admirals Club.

We arrived home to find out that the furnace on the first floor had gone out. Fortunately the house sitter only had to put up with the chill for one day. That was not the case for us, but fortunately we have zoned heating and cooling, so the second floor was nice and toasty. Regardless, it was good to be home.

St. Louis

Meanwhile Back at the Ranch

We were only back in St. Louis four days when my husband left for a conference in Chicago. So of course the dog would choose that rainy, stormy night to get into something in the back yard that necessitated a visit to an emergency veterinary clinic. I let Kirby out for what I presumed would be the last time at 9:30 or so. When he came back in, he was running around the house like an obsessed dog. He has food allergies, but also some reaction to evergreens, of which there are a ton in our yard as well as the whole neighborhood. So sometimes he does get irritated when he is outside. But this time he just couldn't settle down. He was panting like crazy and he kept rubbing his face on every surface on the main level of the house. I thought he was going to have a heart attack, but then the next time I looked at him I noticed that his eye was bleeding. Blood was streaked along the fur on the side of his face.

I looked up where my vet recommends taking emergency cases, and that clinic is kind of far away from our home. Since I would be dealing with the dog by myself on a stormy night, I really wanted to go someplace closer. So I did what everyone does in this day and age - I posted a request for recommendations on Facebook - specifically the page for Webster Groves. Within a few minutes I had several suggestions. And that, folks, is why I love Facebook and other social media! I called the clinic that was the most recommended and explained what was going on. She said that you really don't want to mess around with eye issues, and suggested I bring him in.

We arrived at 10:30 to find only one dog ahead of us. A vet tech did the initial intake, including weighing Kirby. But Kirby was having none of the thermometer up the wazoo treatment, so the gal said she would get another tech to help her in the back. After another couple of minutes they took him into an exam room to see the vet, and I sat in the waiting room listening to an interchange between the vet tech and the latest patient. It was a large dog of indeterminate breeding, and they though he had an intestinal blockage. Apparently he consumes toys, socks, paper - he is a non-discriminating chow-hound. Yikes! Kirby likes food too much to ever be bothered eating something that is not something we would also eat. (Not counting his food, of course, since that is a dish we don't share with him. Along with anything that is a grain, as he has allergies to them.)

Then I was called into the exam room to meet with the vet. He looked like he was about 12. Seriously. Doggie Howser, DVM? I guess the new vets get the late shift at the emergency clinic. Anyway, he advised that they had done a test on Kirby's eye and there was no scratch on the retina, so that was good news. Because Kirby was itching and rubbing so much, they gave him a shot of prednisone followed by a shot of Benydryl. He said the small scabs on Kirby's skin were indicative of skin issues, so he sent me home with an ointment to put in the eye twice a day as well as an antibiotic for the skin issues. Kirby also got the Cone of Shame to make sure he didn't scratch his eye anymore.

Kirby at the clinic

Kirby the Cone Head

We were home by 11:30, so the visit really didn't take too long. I had to wait 20 minutes after we got home to take off the pressure bandage that covered the area where he got his shots, and in the meantime he tried to get a drink and eat. This is not an easy feat with a cone around your head. I ended up tilting a plastic bowl for him to drink out of, and hand feeding him some of his dry food. Then we attempted to go to sleep. Ha! Kirby sleeps in bed with us, and he was quite perplexed as to how he was supposed to stretch out with the cone on. He was up and down and walking around the bed quite a while before he finally figured something out. Needless to say, we were both pooped in the morning!

I called our vet in the morning as a follow-up, and was pleased that the emergency clinic had already sent our paperwork over to them. My vet's office told me that I could take the cone off as long as I was in the same room with Kirby and could watch to ensure he didn't scratch himself. But honestly, I was afraid I would not be able to get it back on him by myself, so I left it on for three days until his eye cleared up. He quickly figured out how to eat and drink, and he slept fine after the first night with the cone. We had a follow-up visit with our vet last week, and they cleaned out Kirby's ear and changed his antibiotic to one that they felt is better suited to skin issues. He is so much better, and we just have one more pill left for him to take. Hopefully that will be that.

Kids and pets - why do they have to get sick after hours?

Falling into Adventures

Saints Peter and Paul Church

Things have been busy lately. On November1st, the St. Louis Publishers Association again offered a class at the Meramec campus of the St. Louis Community College. I have written about the book publishing class on my other blog, Write Formation. Later that day, my friend Caren and I went to Soulard to walk around the area and take photos. I am so grateful because she is an avid photographer (a professional photographer, in fact), so we both like to stop and take pictures. Of course there are four cakes in the area we were walking, so I had to get additional photos of those. We went to McGurk's for an early dinner, and though the day had been a comfortable temperature we decided to eat inside. They have such a beautiful outdoor dining area there, but it is not so much fun if you are cold.

9th Street Abbey

Trinity Church

unlucky chicken foot

On Wednesday I was doing some gardening as the day was very nice. I was pulling out annuals and tidying things up when I heard the dog chewing on something. He likes to gnaw on sticks, so I didn't think too much about it at first. When the crunching continued I decided I better check it out. Much to my dismay, I saw part of an animal leg on the ground next to him. Now, Kirby has never mastered the "Leave it!" command. There is no way he willingly gives up anything, be it a toy or something gross. Utilizing the fine art of distraction, I ran towards the gate shouting "Look who's here!", which faked him out enough to run off to guard his territory. I hurried back and scooped up the parts (thinking back to the old commercial "parts is parts"), and being thankful for my gardening gloves. Normally I am squeamish about picking up things like this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. As I dropped the pieces in the trash, I noticed the larger leg piece still had a foot attached. Ugh! I guess there is one less clucker from the yard across the alley now. They have a chicken coop but they also let the chickens roam. Sometimes I see them in the alley. They cannot get into our yard because they are too fat, and our dog never runs loose, so Kirby is not the fowl killer. He just takes advantage of the situation if someone else does the dirty work.

When I relayed this story to my husband later, I couldn't resist telling him that we were having chicken for dinner. After all, the dog usually eats the same thing as us.